Targ de porci. Toata lumea cu porcu’ care mai de care mai gras shi mai frumos.
Ion cu un porc slab, amarat, parca era calcat de tren.
Vine unu shi-l intreaba:
- Bade, cu cat dai porcu’?
- 300 de Euro.
- 300?! da de ce-l dai asha scump?
- Pai, am nevoie de bani.
Un batran de 90 de ani ii spune doctorului sau: “Nu m-am simtit niciodata atat de bine. Am o mireasa de 18 ani cu care voi avea un copil. Ce ziceti de asta?”
Doctorul se gandeste un minut la intrebarea lui si apoi spune: “Am un prieten mai in varsta care este vanator si nu lipseste de la nici un sezon. Intr-o zi cand se cam grabea a luat umbrela in loc sa ia pusca. Cand a ajuns la locul de vanatoare, a vazut un iepure care statea langa un rau. Si-a ridicat umbrela, a facut ‘bang, bang’ si iepurele a cazut mort la pamant. Ce zici de asta?”
Batranul raspunde: “Eu as zice ca altcineva i-a omorat iepurele.”
Doctorul: “Exact.”
Publicitate : Rochii de Mireasa
Merge Kant, marele filozof, la o stana din Romania: – Pastore ancestral, ale tale sunt aceste mirifice ovine care se autofurajeaza pe acest mioritic plai? Ciobanul de pe banca, dand din cap: – Indubitabil!
Un turist se adreseaza unui taran:
- Spune, unchesule, care este cel mai rapid drum catre Bucuresti?
- Sunteti pe jos sau cu masina?
- Cu masina.
- Atunci, dupa parerea mea, cu masina…
Question : What’s the difference between white fairytales and black fairytales?
Answer:
White fairy tales start, “Once upon a time…”.
Black fairytales start, “Yo, you motherfuckers ain’t gonna believe this shit…”
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers: “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”
The husband laughs and says: “An English girl!!!”
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: “So, honey, how was the trip?”
“Very good, thank you.”
“And, what happened to my present?”
“Which present?”
“What I asked for: the English girl?!?”
“Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl !!”
The class was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for a college class and the instructions were that it had to discuss Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.
The only one who received an A+ wrote the following: Good God, I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it.
Tatal ii spune fiului:
-E timpul sa te descurci singur, doar n-ai pretentia ca maica-ta sa ne intretina pe amindoi.
Ce sunt parintii tai Bula?
Mama e gladiatoare si tata procuror!
- Cum asa?
- Pai mama vinde gladiole si tata le procura!
M-a sunat ieri o tipa: “Vino acum! Nu-i nimeni acasa.”
M-am dus. Nu era nimeni!
